This discussion contains mild spoilers regarding the theme and plot in It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover. If you are interested in reading that book, I wouldn’t recommend you reading this discussion. I would, however, not recommend this book to anyone and I gave it 2/5 stars. I thought the romance was done very poorly. I did not enjoy the majority of it, but it did change my views and leave me with an important message I want to discuss.
I am aware there can be a lot of practical problems surrounding leaving an abusive relationship as well. I am in this discussion mainly focusing on the emotional part of it.
I have never fully understood abusive relationships, I’ve never tried to set myself in the victims shoes and understand it. I’ve always thought, as many others probably do as well, why the hell does anyone stay in a relationship like that?? I simply did not get it. If someone is hurting you in any way LEAVE. It can’t be rocket science, if you are able so see there is a problem you should be able to fix it.
Reading It Ends with Us opened my eyes and made me see this problem in a completely different light. Colleen Hoover’s book follows two people falling in love and getting in to a relationship that slowly develops into an abusive one. It had a clear message, leaving an abusive relationship is a lot harder than it might seem. Now, after reading this, I can’t believe how naive I was before. Just because someone hurts you, doesn’t mean you stop loving them.
And where does the line go? I mean, it’s ok if someone hurts you once and promises not to do it again, right? Or maybe twice, but then not ever again. Or if it just happens once in a while, but you have an amazing loving relationship the rest of the time, it must be worth it, right? One mistake shouldn’t ruin an amazing thing. Two shouldn’t either. Right? It
“The last thing you want to do is lose sight of your limit. Please don’t allow that to happen….. We all have a limit. What we’re willing to put up with before we break.”
― Colleen Hoover, It Ends with Us
I’ve never read anything that talked about abusive relationships like Colleen Hoover did in this book, and I want to read more about it. I have a new respect for the women who leave and I think there should be more awareness around just how brave of an act that is. Once again the lesson to myself is, don’t judge anyone before you know their side of the story.
“And as hard as this choice is, we break the pattern before the pattern breaks us.”
― Colleen Hoover,
I can think of several YA books where harmful relationships are represented without being addressed as problematic, To represent love in an unhealthy way affects people – especially young people. Be aware, be critical and if you think/know you are in an abusive relationship talk to someone. It’s a difficult situation, you can’t do it alone.
I would love to hear some of your thoughts on this. How are your views on this? Have you read It Ends with Us, and do you have any recommendations to books with a similar theme?