ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS // IT ENDS WITH US

This discussion contains mild spoilers regarding the theme and plot in It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover. If you are interested in reading that book, I wouldn’t recommend you reading this discussion. I would, however, not recommend this book to anyone and I gave it 2/5 stars. I thought the romance was done very poorly. I did not enjoy the majority of it, but it did change my views and leave me with an important message I want to discuss.

Skærmbillede 2017-04-25 kl. 20.03.32I am aware there can be a lot of practical problems surrounding leaving an abusive relationship as well. I am in this discussion mainly focusing on the emotional part of it.

I have never fully understood abusive relationships, I’ve never tried to set myself in the victims shoes and understand it. I’ve always thought, as many others probably do as well, why the hell does anyone stay in a relationship like that?? I simply did not get it. If someone is hurting you in any way LEAVE. It can’t be rocket science, if you are able so see there is a problem you should be able to fix it.

Reading It Ends with Us opened my eyes and made me see this problem in a completely different light. Colleen Hoover’s book follows two people falling in love and getting in to a relationship that slowly develops into an abusive one. It had a clear message, leaving an abusive relationship is a lot harder than it might seem. Now, after reading this, I can’t believe how naive I was before. Just because someone hurts you, doesn’t mean you stop loving them.

And where does the line go? I mean, it’s ok if someone hurts you once and promises not to do it again, right? Or maybe twice, but then not ever again. Or if it just happens once in a while, but you have an amazing loving relationship the rest of the time, it must be worth it, right? One mistake shouldn’t ruin an amazing thing. Two shouldn’t either. Right? It

“The last thing you want to do is lose sight of your limit. Please don’t allow that to happen….. We all have a limit. What we’re willing to put up with before we break.”
― Colleen Hoover, It Ends with Us

I’ve never read anything that talked about abusive relationships like Colleen Hoover did in this book, and I want to read more about it. I have a new respect for the women who leave and I think there should be more awareness around just how brave of an act that is. Once again the lesson to  myself is, don’t judge anyone before you know their side of the story.

“And as hard as this choice is, we break the pattern before the pattern breaks us.”
― Colleen Hoover, It Ends with Us

I can think of several YA books where harmful relationships are represented without being addressed as problematic, To represent love in an unhealthy way affects people – especially young people. Be aware, be critical and if you think/know you are in an abusive relationship talk to someone. It’s a difficult situation, you can’t do it alone.

I would love to hear some of your thoughts on this. How are your views on this? Have you read It Ends with Us, and do you have any recommendations to books with a similar theme?

Love,

Fiona

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15 thoughts on “ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS // IT ENDS WITH US

  1. Jasmin (writingsfromhell) says:

    Hey Fiona, this review/discussion is amazing. I’ve read It Ends with Us a few weeks ago and also just posted my review for this. And I’m almost afraid of how similar or views on this are. Because I totally understand what you are feeling and totally get your point of view. And I think it is so important to discuss this topic like you did. Thank you for doing that!

    Liked by 1 person

    • bookwormwholived says:

      I tried to comment on your post but it didn’t work and deleted my comment, I’m not sure why. Anyway I said ‘this is such a well written review, I agree with everything you say. I’m torn between recommending people this book now because of the very very important message and not because I never actually enjoyed reading the book.
      And yes! That love triangle, I saw it coming and luckily it never turned out to be one.’

      Like

  2. MyBookJacket says:

    It is one of my biggest problems with YA and why I didn’t even start properly getting into YA before I gave up on the genre. it’s harder not just because you don’t stop loving them but because your family in under threat. Not every country has a police force that cares and in some countries the police would say you deserve it for daring to have a boyfriend or whatever. Sigh. I’m glad you started this topic. I wish they would stop with the abusive relationship being romantic thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • bookwormwholived says:

      Thank you, I really hope YA authors will become more aware of this trend and stop it.
      You talk about it like it’s something you’ve experienced youself. I’m so sorry if you have, and I hope you are in good hands now. It must be terrible.

      Liked by 1 person

      • MyBookJacket says:

        Ah well I’m sure we all have met toxic people. But it was because of a book like this that I thought the controlling behaviour was sweet. God hope they stop writing like this. Sigh

        Like

  3. Tiana (The Book Raven) says:

    Very lovely and unique discussion. Abusive relationships break my heart and I’m glad to hear that this book had changed your thoughts on how they come to pass. This sort of thing happens way too often and I’m glad to see a discussion about it.

    Liked by 1 person

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